Run for Maggie’s Place Race Report

Short form: 44:13 (7:54 per mile)

Long form:
Got there early. Way early. These shorter races are so much different than a marathon! Found a Starbucks using Yelp. Enjoyed a short mocha. Took notes on my iPhone. Walked back to the start. Still way early, but I started to see some of my girls. This was a mandatory race for my cross country squad and 7 out of 11 girls showed up, which is about what I have come to expect. There were other girls from school there and some parents I really enjoy, so I had fun visiting before the start. I had a challenge on with the girls: for anyone who beat me, I would donate an extra $10 to Maggie’s Place. This could be an expensive day for me. I didn’t have the best training week.

The girls lined up at the start, but near the back. I nudged my way forward. I didn’t want to be weaving around people. Two grandmas were in front of me and they didn’t have a fast vibe. The man in front of them turned around and said “Mom, you really should line up in back.” The two women reluctantly left. He did the right thing. I was struggling with my typical pre-race jitters. Finally, the race started and I was passing people left and right in the first mile, but there were no mile markers. When I caught a guy in a yellow shirt and started to pass him, he said “It doesn’t seem fair that you have to work so much harder to get just as far.” What on earth was he talking about? It dawned on me that he was calling me short. “In my mind I am tall.” I answered. He said “I have been listening to your cadence and you are really working hard.” First of all, at this point in a race, my footfalls are as quiet as can be and second of all, I was feeling fine. I knew in my heart there was no way I was going to let Mr Yellow Shirt beat me today. No chance at all. I zipped ahead of him.

At the start the announcer had warned us to be on the look out for envelopes on the course containing free entries for next year. So, it was a combination 9K run and treasure hunt. I wanted an envelope. Just past what I think was mile one, I saw one in a bush to the left. There was a woman in front of me, but she ran right by it. I snatched it out of the bush and held it in the air before folding it to carry for the rest of the way. I found out later that the envelope contained TWO free entries for next year. This will help pay for my runners who can’t afford it.

Mr Yellow Shirt caught me at the sharp turn to head North on Priest Drive. He engaged me in conversation for several miles. I kept trying to ask questions. I didn’t know what our pace was, but at this pace, I couldn’t talk. As long as he was going to hang with me, I was going to make him work for it. At what I thought was about 2/3 of the way through the race, he glanced at his Garmin and said “We are going faster than I wanted to today. We’re running 7:45s right now, but at one point earlier it was 7:15.” I figured he could either hang tough or back off. Up the hill, I tried to think like a gazelle and Mr Yellow Shirt was lost. I didn’t have much left and I didn’t know the course well enough to know where to pour it on. There wasn’t another woman close enough to me to motivate me to speed it up. The few people cheering on the course let me know how close the person was behind me because I could hear them cheering for him or her. This helped me make sure I beat Mr Yellow Shirt. I knew he was behind me, but I didn’t know how far. No one passed me in the last mile.

I know next year, one of the cross country runners is going to beat me, but I managed to hold on this year. The awards were only for the top three over all. I missed third place by two minutes, which I suppose is better than a handful of seconds. As I mused about my time, I realized that in order to qualify for New York, I will have to hold near this pace for 33 more kilometers than I did today. That seems impossible at this moment.

“You’re just like Mr Kurtz in the woods.”

“You’re just like Mr Kurtz in the woods.” my son said to me last night just after nine o’clock when I suggested that he go to bed. Usually, except when he is lecturing on the nuances of Pokemon Diamond version, I understand what he is saying. But this one had me searching my tired brain. Could he be making a reference to the insane Colonel Kurtz from Apocalypse Now? If he was, when did he see that movie? As I recall from thirty years ago, the last time I saw it, that isn’t a movie I would let my eleven year old watch. Or was he instead, reaching back to the source material “Heart of Darkness” by Joseph Conrad? It wasn’t beyond him to read advanced literature, but this one seemed a little obscure even for my precocious reader. And what was it about me that reminded him of the bald, lisping, insane Kurtz in the jungle? Finally, I had to ask. “What do you mean?” I said.

“When we are camping in the woods with the Boy Scouts, Mr. Kurtz always has the answer. I ask him about plants and he knows. I ask about the rocks and he knows the answer. He always has all the answers.” Oh that Mr. Kurtz! I thought. Relived. I knew he was paying Mr. Kurtz a compliment and that he was not implying I was a know-it-all or bossy, but I certainly can be at times.

I smiled. He knows I have my faults. He has seen me near my worst. And yet, he choses to focus on the positive. He has confiscated my phone when I was texting in a theater (during a live performance). He has frowned at me and said “That’s not very nice.” as I grumble at the driver in front of me who is driving in a manner that displeases me. He forgave his teacher for the B in English, but I still harbor resentment. (Lest you side with the teacher on this one, I can back up my resentment with detailed numerical analysis.) I want to be like him, I really do. And yet, after dropping him at school, I found myself looking at people on the street and thinking “He looks like a wacko.” and other uncharitable things. I drove by a place where people who would not normally mix were exchanging hugs before saying good-bye. I wondered why I don’t like to hug people I don’t love but for some people it is as natural as breathing.

I don’t have all the answers. But I will take being told I am like Mr. Kurtz in the woods as the highest form of praise.

My old friend

I got a text on Friday morning that an old friend of mine was dying. This was from someone who had heard it from someone who had heard it from… You get the idea. My old friend never had excellent health, but she met her challenges with courage and acceptance. This was her life. What was the big deal? She had many surgeries through out our friendship, including multiple back surgeries that each were several days long because they had to go in from the front and the back. We lost touch since my last child was born. The last time I saw her, she was standing in the delivery room and I had just given birth moments before. I guess the nurse thought she was family or maybe that hospital has an open door policy. Perhaps my old friend was as embarrassed as I was, but once she got in there she didn’t know how to make a graceful retreat. Perhaps she thought it was no big deal. Charlie was screaming his head off and I just wanted to be left alone. Why didn’t I say so?

There are so many things I didn’t say. I didn’t say “My life is better because you were in it.” I didn’t say “Thank you for seeing me through the rough times when I couldn’t see the forest for the trees. Thank you for being the voice of reason when all I could hear was my own insanity.” I wish I had. I called her up on Friday, surprising myself that I could still remember her phone number. Her sister answered the phone and said she was sleeping. I said “I hear she has been ill.” “Yes, she has.” was all her sister told me. I left my name and number feeling very awkward. Did I want to talk to her on her deathbed to make her feel better or to make me feel better? I think it was to say all the nice things I had neglected to say before. Would it be better for her if I just leave her alone or if I make a repeated attempt to insert myself at a time like this?

I tried to put myself in her shoes. What if I were the one lying in bed dying? Who would I want to hear from? I guess I won’t know until I get there. What if it were my husband? I don’t imagine him lying in bed dying. I imagine him going quickly while under the knife. I think about that a lot lately. This morning he said “I am lucky to have you. You must have gone through a lot putting up with all my issues.” I was getting dressed for work and said “My belt doesn’t fit.” He said “Can you just accept gratitude for one minute?” But my belt doesn’t fit. I haven’t worn a belt in some time and the styles these days are to have pants ride lower on the hips than up on the waist. “I have been more difficult,” was all I could say.

My life is better because of the people in it. I would stink at being alone. No Ted Kaczynski existence for me. I guess he stank at being alone, too. My life is better because of my old friend. And heaven will be a better place when she gets there.

Fundraising

I have decided to join my friends doing athletic events to raise money for worthy causes. The cause I chose is St Jude’s Hospital in Memphis, Tennessee. My fundraising goal is a modest, yet daunting $500. Any donation is gratefully accepted. Please visit: http://www.mystjudeheroes.org/auntfun

Thank you.

Gatorade just in time!

When I learned today that Pepsi had pulled the Amp app from iTunes, I didn’t believe it at first. They had been so obstinate all week, why the turn around? I had to go check for myself. Indeed, it’s gone. And just in time, too. I have a marathon this weekend and I didn’t really want to wear my fuel belt just in case the replacement drink on the course was Gatorade. I wanted to get drinks from the aid station. Thank you, Pepsi. I can leave my fuel belt at home.

Bullies again

Yesterday after school I walked into my son’s classroom to deliver something to his teacher. She got that look on her face that she always gets when he hasn’t finished his work. She used to have that look every day. My son has Tourette’s Syndrome and completing his work in a timely fashion is sometimes challenging. Then, when he does complete it, often it is in a form the teacher didn’t expect. For his Venn Diagram, he wrote the words around the edges of the circles rather than smack in the middle. He is creative, thoughtful, musically gifted, and generous beyond words. But teasing his brilliance out in ways that can result in a grade on an assignment is sometimes a challenge. I said “What now?”

“Oh, no, it’s not that. One of the other kids just came to me and told me that he is being bullied.” I couldn’t help it, but tears brimmed up in my eyes. I think all any parent wants is to protect their kids and to have them find true happiness, which often comes from hard work. I felt like she had just punched me in the stomach. “But I am not sure if he knows.” she added.

Between then and now, I have been able to find out what happened and I am sure that if he doesn’t realize it right now, he will some day. I believe the adults at his school love my son. I believe they understand him and support him. I believe they are dedicated to helping him be his best. They tell me the boys were counseled and dealt with appropriately. I will spare the details, but as a parent, I am satisfied with the school’s handling of this incident. Still, I am fighting the urge to curl up under my desk and cry.

I should be looking forward to running in Iowa this weekend. But at this moment, I just want to pull my son onto my lap and hold him in my arms. Forever.

Boycott Pepsi

I heard a disturbing piece of news this week, and I am not talking about Balloon Boy. Pepsi has a new energy drink called Amp. As part of their sales effort, they have created an iPhone app called “Amp Up Before You Score”. The “Amp” app was developed for PepsiCo to help men be duplicitous with women in order to manipulate them into having sex. The “score” in the title does not refer to basketball. The app includes a feature to keep track of sexual conquests and to brag about them to others. In their “apology”, Pepsi acted like a politician saying “Sorry if you were offended” and the app has not been pulled. I can just imagine that kind of apology in the principal’s office at school after an incident of name calling. “Sorry if you were offended.” I don’t think the principal would let that fly. And what does this say about the target audience of this app? Nothing positive, that’s for sure.

I am boycotting Pepsi (including their subsidiaries such as Tropicana and Quaker Oats). I don’t know if my little blog will make any difference, but I know I can’t make any difference at all if I sit here at my kitchen table mad about Pepsi’s degradation of women and I say nothing. Please boycott Pepsi, too.

Iron Girl

I ran 12 miles this morning in 1:45. That’s an average pace of 8:45 per mile. I know the miles I was running with Claire were faster than some of the others and they were hilly miles. And they felt good. Some of the other miles were slower. I told my buddies this morning that I was thinking about running the Iron Girl 10 miler again this year. They were thinking about it, too! I didn’t tell them that I looked up the results from last year and in my age group, an 8 minute per mile pace would place. The prizes are little necklaces and I want one.

The week before that is the 5.6 mile run for Maggie’s Place that my girls are running. I guess that will be a good test to see if I have 8 minute miles in me. I am excited to be running this short stuff again.

Quitter

I woke up this morning and I decided to quit my quest to run a marathon in every state. Nebraska was staring back at me from my closet door where I color in each state I have run and it was pure white. I didn’t run Nebraska and it was there on the map taunting me. Calling me a failure. In my defense, I had the flu and I could no more have run a marathon that day than shuffled out to check the mail. But there it was reminding me of the money I’d spent on nothing.

I will fall short of my goal this year. I feel like I do when I set a goal to run a marathon in under four hours, but I pass the twenty mile mark in over three fifteen. There is usually no way I can make up the time and I spend the last six miles kicking myself and rehashing the first twenty, wondering where I could have sped it up. Here I am in early October with almost three months left to go in the year watching my goal slip through my fingers with no idea what to do about it. And questioning my stupid goal. If it was really important, wouldn’t I strive for it to the exclusion of all else? Am I really balancing all the other priorities in my life or am I, at the core, just a quitter?

We have a phenomenal athlete on our cross country team. She has fans. Yesterday at a meet she didn’t attend, several of her fans came up to meet her. I must say I was disappointed by the lack of graciousness some of her teammates showed to the fans, but this is heady stuff for anyone, let alone the teenage teammates of a phenom. I offered to record a video greeting of the girls for the phenom. They were delighted. Do we need fans in order to run? Or are the fans a result of doing what you know you were meant to do and doing it well?

One of the coaches from another team said that if you weren’t in it to win, it wasn’t worth doing. I respectfully disagreed with him. I said “If I only ran the races I thought I would win, I would never show up at anything.” And I started to wonder… Why show up at all? Maybe that’s why I thought I would quit. But life fully lived is in the mundanity of every day living. God’s will is showing up and doing the next right thing.

I have signed up for 9 marathons this year (10 if you count Iowa in a few weeks) and I have only run 7. I decided that next year I am going to keep a spreadsheet and write down all the money I spend on marathons – the airfare, hotel, registration – including those I run and those I pay for but don’t run so I can get an accurate picture of how much money I am spending on this quest. I guess this means I am not quitting after all. Stupid quest.

Best Laid Plans

I am supposed to run the Omaha Marathon this weekend. It’s Nebraska. That’s a pretty big state to color in on my map and it stretches the colors into new territory. Sure I have Minnesota and Florida and Massachusetts. But Nebraska looks more like I am getting a toe hold to the East. I feel like I am playing Risk instead of running a marathon in every state.

On Sunday, Mary suddenly got sick. I took her to the doctor on Monday. The doctor refused to test for the type of flu that it is, but definitely said it was the flu. She seems to be a little better today. But just a little. Yesterday, Charlie got sick. His teacher said he had an awful day at school. I think she was worried about this starting a trend. He isn’t prone to awfulness. Yes, he is different. But awful? Never. He said he wasn’t feeling well. When we got home, his temperature was 101. Today, he was worse. Will they be better for me to go to Omaha? Will I be ok?

I really need a marathon.